When enough is finally enough
On stopping tolerating, finding your voice, and working from some of New York’s most beautiful spaces
If you have been a perfectionist, overachiever and people pleaser all your life, I promise you that when you are ready and stop tolerating people treating you badly, everything changes.
You will see the wrong (and right) patterns and people earlier, your nervous system will regulate (maybe for the first time ever), and health issues underpinned from the stress of all this suddenly resolve.
It’s taken me a long time to get here.
I’m no longer overthinking everything, and am enjoying life way more.
I have been reading about, knowing this was true, and trying to do it for a lot of years. I’ve been frustrated often at feeling like I couldn’t change.
But it’s hard to predict what the final straw will be in the end for each of us.
Maybe it’s someone taking control of your project (or your life). Or using you under the guise of friendship until they get the position or connection they want.
Maybe it will be the umpteenth time the boss or colleague takes credit for your work and you say nothing because you want to be seen as nice and not rock the boat.
Whatever it is, trust it will come and you will get there. No matter how hopeless it might feel right now.
When you first start speaking up, it not only feels terrifying, but you might feel there are a number of people around you that you need to stand up to. There is an evidence based reason for this. People who are eager to please and worry if they are doing a good job are easy targets for certain types of people. So the chances are you might discover there are several dynamics that need to shift before you no longer allow this type of behaviour in your life.
It doesn’t, of course, mean you ever stop self-reflecting, or doing things differently. Let’s be honest though, if you are relating to this, overthinking everything you said and did, and wondering if you unintentionally upset someone is a constant thing.
It does mean that you will finally be ok with not everyone liking you. And, more importantly, understanding that this doesn’t make you a horrible person or someone who is not good at their work.
Don’t go quietly into the night.
Make your voice heard.
Stand up for what is right.
Nothing changes if nothing changes.
Bullies, narcissists and abusers in all areas and walks of life rely on you staying silent, and knowing you won’t stand up to them.
Stand up.
Work Adventures in New York
One Hotel Brooklyn
I have just been in New York and Florida for two conferences but I also took time in between to work in different spaces. While my research looks closely at how different physical spaces influence our cognition, mood, performance and connection, one of my absolute favourite things to do is to experiment on myself whenever I can.
Travel and uncovering new places is always so much fun, especially as I am often travelling for work and need great spaces to help me get things done when I’m over scheduled or jet lagged.
Here is a sneak peek of a few of my favourite. Next week’s article for paid subscribers will be all about this, where I went, and what the research says about why spaces like these genuinely help us think, focus and feel better.
12 Matcha
Future Forums
I’ll be in Canberra, Sydney and Auckland over the next month for the Future Forums for Bond University. Between the amazing staging and great conversations with young people, I adore these events. If you are in my network in one of these places and would like to catch up while I’m there, let me know.
Rethink Cards
I absolutely love hearing how you are using the cards to think differently and create change in your work and life. Explore them here.
Libby x