It’s 11.56 am on a Thursday and I’m tired. A sudden wave of panic is giving me nausea. There are half a dozen emails on important projects in my inbox that I need to reply to. But right now, I just can’t.
This morning I woke up at 2.30 am, an hour ahead of the alarm. I don’t usually have to get up at 3.30 am but did today to take my son to the airport for a school trip.
Sometimes I envy people who can sleep through deadlines and be late for work. People who don’t wake up at 1.30 am, wide awake with cortisol instantly coursing through every fibre of their being thinking about the next day’s unachievable to-do list.
I have a stack of new books that is growing almost daily that I desperately want to read. And at least the same number of webinars and courses I’ve signed up for that I want to begin.
The heavy silence in my house is not peaceful. It’s making me more anxious. I can’t just sit here and relax after no sleep and a very trying week. No matter how much I get done, the voice never goes away. It’s not as good as it should be. I’m behind. I should be somewhere else in my career/life by now.
My to-do list harasses me constantly. Though it’s out of sight, in a closed notepad, it might as well be a chip in my brain.
And I know I’m not alone.
For many people, the pandemic changed our definitions of success and our ambitions at work. For many of us, suddenly, life was no longer about racing to the top of the corporate ladder. Because, then what?
The pie expanded. It’s not the salary and job title taking up most of the space anymore. The other wedges of the pie, always there and shouting for attention, finally got a look in.
In fact, a new study in one of the world’s leading psychology journals showed that a key contributor to the Great Resignation was COVID-19 driven death anxiety. Faced with the confronting prospect of no longer being around, employees resigned to seek more meaningful work that provided a sense of greater significance.
In my research, I talk to hundreds of people every year who are in a job they don’t love, and also don’t know what else they might do. After investing years in study and following the yellow brick road to career or business “success”, an alarming number of people feel underwhelmed.
Why do so many of us feel behind and that we haven’t figured out our careers or lives (no matter how long our lists of things we have actually done)?
And what do we do about it?
There are thousands of books on finding our purpose and planning out the ideal career and business. I never resonated with any of the prescriptions of what I should do.
My entire career has been driven by a trait that I was made to feel bad about as a child. I get bored easily.
This, we are told by life-hacking, hustle culture experts is terrible.
If we aren’t filling our days from the minute we get up (at 4 am to partake in some punishing physical routine) until we review our completed tasks/habits/routines/achievements in the latest productivity app before we go to bed, we are somehow inadequate.